#11 Bucky Larson Born to be a Star

The Movie: Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star 2011. Written by Adam Sandler, Allen Covert, and Nick Swardson Directed by Tom Brady Staring: Nick Swardson, Christina Ricci, Stephen Dorff, and Don Johnson

Looking back on the last week and a half, I see a pretty solid compendium of bad movies (and horrendous crimes against human thought, like A Haunted House 2) However this is the very first movie I've reviewed so far that has a 0 on rotten tomatoes. It's a movie I've been intrigued by for the last 4 years, and I can't wait to share it with you.

Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star is such a strange film. It could be written off as another hokey Happy Madison production, this one capitalizing on internet fame and pornography. The Happy Madison brand has, recently, come under fire for being... well a barrage of unfunny jokes written by a bag of mentally challenged dogs falling down a hill. And I mean, that's all totally warranted. Aside from The Wayans, who makes worse movies than Adam Sandler? Not only bad, lazy. these movies are the laziest things that don't have the word MOVIE at the end of the title. Sandler has even gone on record saying that he does them to go on vacations. It's a ringing indictment of the idea of film in a way. If someone as lazy and apathetic as Adam Sandler can make movies (infuriatingly successful movies) then what kind of art form is this.

But here's the thing about Bucky Larson...

#10 Spy Kids 3D: Game Over

The Movie: Spy Kids 3D: Game Over 2003. Written and Directed by Robert Rodriguez. Staring: Daryl Sabara, Ricardo Montalbán, Holland Taylor, Mike Judge, Cheech Marin, Antonio Banderas, Carla Gugino, Alexa Vega, and Sylvester Stallone as The Toymaker

We live in a world when the visual effects of a film are almost always of a high caliber, even in a bad movie. If you went back and showed Battleship to someone from 1995 they'd probably be blown away. So the baromitor of a movie is no longer how it looks (though that certainly matters) Because of that, it's refreshing to look back at a movie series like the Spy Kids series, a set of films unafraid to look very bad. 

The visual effects have not aged well, but honestly that gives these movies flavor. It makes the cartoonish things look cartoonish, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. The entire film takes place inside a video game (though I'm not sure Rodriguez knows how those work-more on that in a moment) so the effects being kinda hokey fits the time period and the world established by the script.

#9 The Spirit

This one's for me.

The Movie: The Spirit. 2008. Written and Directed by Frank Miller. Staring: Gabriel Macht, Eva Mendes, Sarah Paulson, Dan Lauria, Paz Vega, Scarlett Johansson. and Samuel L. Jackson as The Octopus

The film that shall not be named really broke me yesterday. I wasn't sure I could stomach something as bad as that again (not that there is anything remotely that bad in existence) So, today I took it a little easier on myself. So today I watched a movie I have always loved, that I have been defending since I stepped out of the theater with my father and brother in 2008, Frank Miller's The Spirit

The movie follows Denny Colt/The Spirit (Gabriel Macht) an immortal(?) Invulnerable (?) noir detective (!) who is in a never ending war against The Octopus (Samuel L Jackson) an also immortal/invulnerable occult-obsessed-crime-kingpin-fashionista, who in each and every scene wears a new and ridiculous outfit. We see Jackson in an SS. uniform, a mad scientist number, samurai armor, like for real? if you love movies staring Cher or Madonna for the outfits this movie is for you.

#8 A Haunted House 2

Without exception every scene in this movie, ends like this

The "Movie": A Haunted House 2 "Written" by Marlon Wayans and Rick Alvarez "Directed" by Michael Tiddes Staring: Marlon Wayans, Jaime Pressly, Essence Atkins, Gabriel Iglesias, and Cedric the Entertainer

....

I'm not sure I know where to start.

"How bad could it be?" I told myself, obviously not knowing the barrage of sexism, racism, homophobia, fart jokes, domestic abuse as humor, slut shaming, rewarding men for cheating, pop culture references in lew of actual jokes. That list kind of got away from me, but can you blame me? I just watched the film equivalent of  botched frontal lobotomy. At times I found myself mouth agape unable to move.

#7 Russell Madness

My face watching this movie.

The Movie: Russell Madness. 2015.- Written by Aaron Brooks Directed by Robert Vince. Staring:  John Ratzenberger and no one else.

Guys, this movie... Woof. If you're hoping for another shinning review (ala my review of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie), you're really barking up the wrong tree. (Bow) wow is the movie bad. I wish I could throw you guys a bone, but I'm going to have to play the heel.

#6 Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie

Should you watch this movie? YES.
...
I'm getting ahead of myself.

The Movie: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie. 1995 - Written by Arne Olsen (No wiki) Directed by Bryan Spicer. Staring Jason David Frank, Amy Jo Johnson, David Yost, Steve Cardenas, Johnny Yong Bosch, Karan Ashley, Paul Schrier, Jason Narvy, and Paul Freeman as Ivan Ooze

So I owe everyone an apology. When I first started this blog, the theme for the month was Octerrible, and I promised you that I would be watching a bad movie every day all month. Well it turns out I have failed you, the internet, because by choosing The 1995 classic Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers: The Movie I have broken that purview. This movie is an american classic that deserves to be lauded among the great films of our time.

#5 Maximum Overdrive

The movie: Maximum Overdrive 1986-Written and Directed by Steven King. Staring Emilio Estevez Pat Hingle and Laura Harrington

You want to rock and roll, Pussbag? - a bible salesman to a Mack truck. Maximum Overdrive (1986)

Steven King is perhaps the greatest American writer in the modern era. His stories have made movies both incredible (shawshank, green mile, the shining) and terrible (pet cemetery, The mangler) however, 1986's Maximum Overdrive is something special. It is the only time King directed his own work.  

There is a pretty good reason for this. In recent years King has opened up about this film, and has said he barely remembers making it. And there were many accidents on set. The dp famously lost his eye in a botched stunt. 

(Programming note; um  not to show how the sausage is made, but I'm away from Wikipedia, atm writing this on my phone. Instead of a fact checked plot summary like usual, I'll be piecing this one together by memory.) 

The story is somehow both convoluted and overly simple. In a title card that would make Theodore Rex uncomfortable, we learn that earth will be in the tail of a comet for 8 days. 

Apparently this comet makes certain machines come to life.  Our story is cut in three, following a newlywed couple who keep getting chased by trucks, a kid on a baseball team (more on him in a moment)  and a bunch of people holed up in a truck stop, that is being circled (covered wagon style) by a bunch Mack trucks. The newlyweds are annoying, and thankfully their scene is cut short, as they drive to the truck stop and join the rag tag group of truckers. 

But the baseball scene. Oh the baseball scene. This movie has a lot of problems, but this scene made me give this movie so much leeway. I'll describe it verbatim: 

We cut to a boys little league baseball team during practice. The boys coach goes to get a soda, but it's not working. The machine launches a soda at the man's crotch and then his chest. And then his head. Killing him! The kids come to check on the coach, and the machine fires more and more cans at them. Then, out of nowhere, a steamroller breaks over the wall of the baseball field. A child hits a rock while biking away, and the steamroller rolled over the child. It is fucking bananas. 

The rest of the movie is a traditional horror film. People get picked off one by one, and the heroes eventually win. The best parts of this movie aren't plot based, it's how fucking weird it is. there is a weird montage of Emilio Esteves gassing up trucks, (while they threaten him with horns.) there's a moment where a waitress in the diner seemingly loses her shit out of nowhere and screams at the trcks "we made you!!!!" For like 5 straight min. This movie is truly bizarre. 

Should you watch this movie?: yes. If you can put up with a dumb story, and nothing characters there are a few moments that are quite rewarding. 

Where can I watch this movie?: Amazon.