#18 The Scorpion King

The movie: The Scorpion King. 2002. Written by Stephen Sommers, William Osborne, and David Hayter Directed by Chuck Russell Staring: Dwayne Johnson The Rock, Kelly Hu, Bernard Hill, Grant Heslov, Peter Facinelli, Steven Brand, and Michael Clarke Duncan

This is more like it.


A week of Adam Sandler has come to an end, and as my reward I got to watch a movie from the Anti-Sandler, Dwayne Johnson The Rock. The Rock is such an interesting case. He's probably the greatest movie star of our generation, but his critics would say he's not much of an actor. I don't see the complaint. I'm not sure why we demand every actor to be Daniel Day Lewis. We need a spectrum of performers. There is always a place for a John Wayne, an Arnold Schwarzenegger, or a Dwayne Johnson. 

But on to this movie.

So the plot here isn't very important (though it is surprisingly dense.). Seriously, this is a star vehicle for The Rock, and as such it is the Dwayne Johnson* Show. (How much would The Rock crush a variety show?) The movie takes place in Egypt(Presumably, this is essentially a side quest for the successful "The Mummy" Franchise) The Rock playes Mathius, a mercenary(?) who is hired by the King to kill the his rivals Sorcerer. TWIST the Sorcerer is a Sorceress. A sexy sorceress (This isn't an editorial comment, the film makes sure to frame her this way) who totally digs on the Rock (like all humans).

Through a lot of dumb plotting The Rock ends up teamed up with the Sorceress, and they end up together (duh). The Rock is stung by a scorpion and the Sorceress gets all the poison out of him but says (in the most unintentionally funny line of the whole movie) "the blood of the scorpion will run in his veins forever" that isn't really called upon again.

Then a lot of other things happen. That's lazy of me, I know but this movie doesn't care about the plot. The Rock beats the bad guys and becomes The Scorpion King! Like I said it's a side quest to a Brendan Fraiser movie. However the Rock gets to shine. Every line is delivered in a crazy hyperbolic bravado, and like Schwarzenegger before him Rocky knows that it's ok for the joke to be on him. The Rock is so fucking charismatic that he elevates an otherwise mediocre movie, to highs that it really shouldn't be able to meet.

I know this one was a short one, and I know I was all over the place but the Rock makes me very excited!

Should you watch this movie? YES. seriously, watch this movie. Rock isn't asked to do much heavy lifting, but what little he is given he fucking kills it. You think Daniel Day Lewis could play the fucking Scorpion King with the sincerity and enthusiasm of The Rock? Hell no. Being a good actor is fine, but it's not the end all be all, A charismatic actor Like Rocky is just as important. Here he is finding his voice, but the talent is evident. The Rock is sincerely an important figure in film, and this movie is his start.

Where can I watch this movie? Rent on Amazon or Youtube

Recommendation: So this one might be a little bit unorthodox. Last night I was at a Halloween party. I got the idea while looking for a cheap and easy Halloween costume to do something I've seen in plenty of movies, and Dress like a mummy. So that leads me to my Recommendation: Don't Dress like A Mummy as a Cheap Costume. It is much more difficult than you'd think. To the right you can see perhaps the best picture of me in the costume, next to my fabulous girlfriend who also did a lazy costume, but like a fucking adult, she didn't wrap herself in five rolls of crape paper.