#12 Pixels

The Movie: Pixels 2015. Written by Tim Herlihy Directed by Chris Columbus Staring: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Michelle Monaghan, Peter Dinklage, and Josh Gad

Pixels is one of the worst reviewed movies of the year. It has been accused of being the worst thing that has ever happened to film. It's been called lazy, hack-y, gross, sexist and scrotal cancer (to which it was actually compared in this article by Dave Smith from Business Insider) so you're probably excited for an impassioned take down of the last in a long string of poorly received Sandler vehicles.

So here's the part where I disappoint you.


 The movie is not that bad. For sure, it is lazy, it is hack-y, it is gross and it is sexist as all get out (more on that in a moment.) but scrotal cancer? I'm not certain. I'm in too deep into bad movies to see an utterly unremarkable movie like Pixels and call it an atrocity. Disappointing? sure. Bad on an objective level? Yup. But is it un-watchable dreck like some of the films I've watched? no. It's not. Honestly, at times it's almost fun. I know I risk loosing all my credibility for saying that Pixels is a passable film. It's dumb. Like dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. but the visuals are really inventive and fun, the soundtrack is catchy, and everyone (save for one) is working very hard.

I feel like most people's hate for this movie centers around their hate for Adam Sandler. And why wouldn't they? He's brought us Jack and Jill, That's my Boy and two Grown Ups movies in the last 5 years. He's burned all his good will. And even in this movie, the problems with it are clearly on Sandler. Kevin James, who has also been in so many bad movies, pulls his weight. There is a scene where out of no where he (Kevin James plays the president of the united states in this movie... so there's that) puts off the world saving for a moment to eat cake with his wife (Jane Krarkowski) It's a dumb detour, and the jokes don't work at all, but James seems to be trying.

Also trying, Josh Gad and Peter Dinklage. They are given nothing from the script, (and Gad is terrible quite honestly whiffing even the laziest of jokes) but they seem to be trying. The only person who doesn't seem like he's trying is Adam Sandler. A shame since he's our hero. He pulls out every single Sandler lazyism,
1. Dressing in only cargo shorts and xl tee shirts.
2. Being mean to people in lieu of jokes
3. Gay panic
4. Sticking up for nerds (despite Sandler not knowing or respecting any of the culture that entails.)
5. Sexism

On that sexism. This is a movie where Josh Gad, who was obsessed with a female video game character as a child, Is rewarded with that character as a sex slave wife (?).  Sandler gives a woman a hard time for being left by her husband, and less than three days later he and that woman are together. Also dinklage wants to have a threeway with Martha Stewart and Serena Williams (in the only joke that almost works in the whole movie) and then he is rewarded with just that.

So I understand why it's compared so harshly to other films. It's a regressive pile of crap, but I don't think that's the worst thing you can be. The worst thing you can do as a film is not entertain, and Pixels is a movie that through dumb luck and great visuals is entertaining on a base caveman level.

Should you watch this movie? No. Maybe. If it's on cable?

Where can I watch this movie? Epix. Verizon on Demand.

And now, for something new.

Recommendations: so I've been doing this for two weeks now, and I've been feeling like these reviews need something else. So each review I'll also give a review and recommendation of something that's been getting me through the day. Today that recommendation goes to The Adventure Zone podcast. (Click here to find out more, or download on Itunes or anywhere you get your podcasts) I've been having kind of a rough go of it the last few weeks, and the brothers McElroy have been very helpful in keeping going. The podcast is a DnD podcast, that stars three brothers and their dad as they play dungeons and dragons. It's so funny, and baby brother Griffin McElroy plays as Dungeon master controlling the pace of the game, and writing the scenarios the family role plays. It's an accessible to both initiated and uninitiated alike. If I were to give a recommendation on where to start, (as it has a continuing storyline) I would recommend ep 1.5 which is expedited to the length of a regular episode. I don't really have anything else to say about it, other than it's helped me through a really bad bout of depression, and I think you might like it too.


Two Happy Madison movies in a row. I'm actually kind of proud of that. I've tackled two films from the (arguably) worst studio currently producing films. Honestly though, it hasn't been that rough. Thanks for reading. Post your comments below