The Movie: John Carter
So Octerrible is finally winding down and I honestly couldn't be more happy. I've really enjoyed writing these things, and I appreciate all of you that read them, but I can't wait to watch good movies again. I can't wait so much, I cheated and watched a movie that is a huge bomb that no one saw and everyone thinks is terrible, but here's the thing: everyone is wrong.
Not to give it away at the beginning but, I love this movie. I loved it when I watched it in the theaters (all four times) and I loved it today. John Carter of Mars (That name change was so fucking stupid) is a very special movie to me, as I love the original pulp comics that it's adapting. I've always found the plight of the gruff but noble Confederate Captain Carter his run ins with the Tharks, him battling the Great White Ape in the Tharkan death pits. All of it really left an impression on me as a kid, where I can spot a rip off (I'm looking at you Attack of the Clones and Planet Hulk) a mile a way. So some of my fondness for this film could probably be attributed to a nostalgia (yuck) for my childhood.
But I don't think that's it. This movie is the first one I've watched for Octerrible that has made me cry. Lets get into what this movie actually is about, since I'm certain you haven't seen it. It is 1883 and John Carter (Taylor Kitch), former Confederate Captain is on the lamb, and is soon captured by a Yankee who needs his help investigating Spider's Cave of Gold. He sees a man with a strange medallion who attacks John, and John gets the draw on him and kills him. Carter puts on the man's medallion on, and is transported to Barsoom (Mars) He learns that because of the gravity he can jump very high in an inspired scene. He is then ambushed by the Tharkans (a species that resembles the martian Man hunter a bit, only with four arms) and enslaved. (after they feed him a liquid that allows him to understand their language)
Elsewhere a princess named Dejah Thoris (Lynn Collins) is trying desperately to escape from would be king of Barsoom Sab Than (Dominic West). She does so and escapes to the Tharks only to be captured. She meets Carter who has been recruted to something closer to a pet/partner by Tars Tarkas (Willem Dafoe) the chieftan of the Tharks.
Carter becomes aware of the Therns, a mystical race that playes the kingmaker on a planet to feed off of the chaos that a dying civilization will provide. They are immortal (or so they think) as it turns out the man in the cave of gold was a Thern. Dejah's kingdom is willing to give her up to Sab Than in order to have peace, and the Therns reveal to Carter that this is the way it must be in order for Barsoom to die. Carter tries (unsuccessfully) to recruit the Tharkans and has to fight hundreds of them (in a very effecting scene, we see why he washed up after the war) He fights the Great White Ape in the Tharkan death pits and wins, so the Tharkans agree to help him save Dejah. and they do, but Carter is transported back to earth by the head Thern. Years later, we see him find a way back to Barsoom
Wow, just writing that gave me a really good understanding for why this movie might not have resonated with everyone. I feel really bad for Taylor Kitch ya know? he's a workable actor, and he's really good here, but he's made nothing but critical or commercial failures. In a row, he made X-Men Origins: Wolverine, John Carter and Battleship. The guy can't catch a break. If any of his films were going to be a hit, this is the one. John Carter is convoluted and can be hard to follow, but at times it's brilliant and very trusting of it's audience. The characters are memorable and unique, the visuals are awesome and while the plot is pretty heady it's not unmanageable. I love this movie, knowing full well that it's flawed, and I recommend you see it.
Should I watch this movie? YES. Required viewing.
Where can I watch this movie? Rent on Amazon
Recommendation: You know what? Today I recommend you watch John Carter. It's awesome and I bet you enjoy yourself. It's only 3 dollars on amazon, and it's worth that for sure.
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