#13 Grown Ups

The Movie: Grown Ups 2010. Written by Adam Sandler and Fred Wolf Directed by Dennis Dugan Staring:Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade and Rob Schneider

-Fart noise-

I watched this movie with the closed captions and that comes across the screen like 15 times. Not since the Master of Disguise have I seen a movie so attached to gross out humor like this one. So it's been like 6 days. that's not actually very much. You'll have to excuse me, it's very late and I'm reviewing Grown Ups so I'm not in a great head-space.

Anyway...

This is a movie so bad that Rob Schneider wouldn't come back for the sequel. Seriously, that should be the whole review. It's so bad the star of the Animal, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, and The Hot Chick wouldn't come back for a another round, Zero stars. But I don't give star ratings, I tell you whether or not a film is worth your time, so in order to do that we must discuss what this film is.

-Fart noise-

So the story of grown ups follows Adam Sandler (Adam Sandler characters don't have names) and his wife Salma Hayek (who must have lost a bet or something) Sandler is a Hollywood TV agent who is too addicted to his job. Salma want's to have sex a lot, but Sandler is like "nuh uh, I got important buisness stuff." we meet the four other shells of men and the jokes are what you'd think they are. Kevin James is fat. Chris Rock is effeminate and his wife makes more money than him. Kevin James is fat. David Spade is a horny man child, Kevin James is fat and Rob Schneider is thrice divorced, and very Jewish.

So after the five Grown Ups' friend from middle school dies, they all decide to go to a cabin in the woods (?) and hang around and make fun of each other. Their kids hang out, and make hilarious* jokes like saying they want to get chocolate wasted (it's fun for the whole family) and Salma Hayek finally gets to bone Adam Sandler. 

Should you watch this movie? -Fart noise-
Where can you watch this movie? Netflix

Sorry if this one seems kind of phoned in, but it seemed appropriate for the laziest movie ever.

btw... this movie made $271.4 million, so suck on that the next time you think art is alive.

Recommendations: So it's been a long and hellish road this past few weeks (doing an entire week on Adam Sandler seems to just be making things worse.) but I this weekend, Allison and I finally made it out to see The Martian, and holy shit is it good. I love sci fi, and this is perhaps the most positive pure science fiction film I've ever seen. I sincerely loved gravity and interstellar. but this movie has something that both of them do not: pure optimism. While yes, Interstellar is an optimistic film, it's rather bleak the whole way through. The Martian? it's pure joy. Matt Damon is so fucking good you guys. It is also the first time in a long time I've see a pure example of a Man vs Nature narrative. A lesser movie might create some human antagonist (or at least a sub boss that the hero would have to contend with) but here the villain is space. Uncaring, unyielding space is scary enough. The lack of a human villain makes the scenes of survival really pop and often it had me pressed back into my seat rooting so hard for Matt Damon and by that humanity. So go see it. It's still in theaters and it's one of the best of the year.