#4 Masters of the Universe

The Movie: Masters of The Universe. 1987. Written by David Odell. Directed by Gary Goddard. Staring:  Dolph Lundgren Frank Langella and Courteney Cox

We're in a golden age of cash grab style movies. Harry Potter and the Hunger Games both have merit as individual series, however they both paved the way for the countless knock offs and attempts to capture that magic. For every Catching fire, we get another Divergent:Insurgent, another Percy Jackson: The second one (I'm not sure of the title, and I can't bring myself to look it up.) another I am the Number Four. 

It could be very easy to see 1987's Masters of The Universe as such a movie, and for sure that sentiment exists. However effort is an intangible that I am Number Four and the rest of it's Ilk could not bring to the table, and while this movie is one of the silliest things I've ever watched, everyone. EVERYONE is giving their all.

The story begins on the planet of Eternia. The evil Skeletor (Frank Langella absolutely devouring the scenery) has taken the throne by force and our heroes led by He-man (Dolph Lundgren) and the dwarf(?) Gwildor (Billy Barty) lead an attack on his forces inside Castle Greyskull. Gwildor has created a replica of Skeletor's cosmic Key (which creates portals to other dimensions) Skeletor needs He man's Sword of Grey Skull in order to collect the power of the universe and become the ruler of Eternia. The two fight, and at the last minute Gwildor transports our heroes to earth, to escape Skeletor.

If all of that seems like random letters thrown together at a piece of paper, do not worry. The film spends even less time explaining itself than I just did. I think that may be what I admire about Masters of the Universe the most. It is very trusting in its audience to follow along, even to the point of confusion. It doesn't always work, in fact it rarely does, however it's still something that I find attractive about the film. 

On earth, we meet the real heroes of the story Courtney Cox and Courtney Cox's boyfriend. These characters have names, (i'm sure) but when I began to write this review, I honestly forgot they were in the movie. Courtney Cox's parents are dead, and she's leaving her boyfriend to go to... lets say Florida. this plot is really boring. I might have been playing on Pokemon Showdown while this plot started. Anyway, Courtney Cox and Courtney Cox's boyfriend find the cosmic key that Gwildor dropped after the heroes of eternia landed on earth.

Sensing someone using Gwildor's Cosmic key, Skeletor gives the craziest monologue about power and how he has nothing if he doesn't have everything. It's awesome. Then he sends the bounty hunters from The Empire Strikes Back to capture He Man alive.

After a half hour rich with incident He Man is captured. Gwildor and the rest of our heroes travel back to Eternia to save He Man, which after a battle they do. Gwildor sends Courtney Cox back to earth (twist) before her parents died, and everyone lives happily ever after.

This is the hero of the film.

I know it's mostly nonsense, but there is something I truly enjoyed about this movie. It can be kind of boring (it suffers from the same problem as the Thor movies, where it's fun and campy off earth, but pretty boring on earth) You might wonder why the plot doesn't seem to include He Man, and I wondered the same thing. It turns out when the filming first took place, Dolph Lundgren didn't speak English. He was supposed to be dubbed ala Hercules in New York. However this movie ran out of funding in post (which you might be able to tell by the very bad visual effects) and they couldn't afford to dub his words. This leads to the hero by proxy becoming the side character Gwildor. I think it's so refreshing honestly for a movie to follow a character like this, instead of the boring He Man.

Gwildor is pretty charming for a weird little troll thing. He's likeable and a tech genius. Like the very worst version of Rocket Raccoon ever. Also charming is Frank Langella's Skeletor. At one point in the movie he says to He Man (whom he has beaten) "I wonder... is the loneliness of good as powerful as the loneliness of evil?" and by god it's almost affecting. There is a lot to be said for an actor going for it, everybody in this film gives their all. 

There is also plenty to complain about. Don't get it twisted, this is a bad movie.All of the soundtrack sounds like a bad Star Wars/superman rip off, and the plot makes absolutely zero sense. But nothing seems half assed, and perhaps thats the most important thing to me. Effort shows on screen, and Masters of the Universe could teach you a thing or two about commitment,

Should you watch this movie?: Yes! It can drag, but it's worth it for Frank Langella's Skeletor. Also, Billy Barty's Gwildor will almost definitely win you over eventually.

Where can I watch this movie?: It is streaming on Netflix, or you can rent it on Amazon.

Thanks for reading. I know this isn't one anyone was looking forward to in particular, but go watch the movie. Honestly, I think you'll like it. All through October it's Octerrible. If you have ideas for other movies I should watch. post them in the comments and I'll be sure to get around to reviewing them.